It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
