Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I want is dick and wine.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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