Whod you bang
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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