come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
