Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
