You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love you.
Bad choice
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