I heard we made out
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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