i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize