on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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