I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
