Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You did what with his pubic hair?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
