Small penises have feelings too.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
