I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
