I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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