Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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