If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
