Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just took my morning after pill in the library
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
