the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
