I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
