I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
