You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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