This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
