There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
