I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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