Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
