we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
