do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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