So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
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I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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