We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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