There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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