He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my being single is dangerous.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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