turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
