didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
