I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
