If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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