turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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