I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
