See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
