I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
