Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
