Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
