man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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