I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
