Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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