Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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