"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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