as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
