I'm so fucking centered right now
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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