I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
