I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
