so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
