You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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