I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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