I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
