Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They took my balls.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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