Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
