I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
