You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
