he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
