ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
