it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
