I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dignity is for republicans.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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