??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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