My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she told me i tasted like america
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
