I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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