Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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