Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
