anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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