I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
