before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
