Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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