i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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