This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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