No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
