I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
